Apathy and Ambivalence Towards Religion

First of all, sorry for missing a little bit of time. My absence is less about writers’ block and more about having too much to write about (and do). I will post soon about the abundance of things which I have to write about, so expect a flood of posts soon. It’s simply been difficult for me to figure out how to write about it in the context of this blog, and format it in ways that I can really express my feelings and thoughts in. With more and more stuff backing up, it’s only gotten harder.

I don’t know if it’s a matter of losing faith, so much, or perhaps losing your belief/enthusiasm in a specific religion, something that happens for so many people, but I’ve noticed a distinct malaise about religion, specifically Judaism, in most of the people I’ve surrounded myself with. In fact, I’ve more than simply noticed it, it was literally stated to me in precisely those words by someone who has been something of a tutor to me in the basics of Judaism.

Admittedly, I’m not entirely sure of what to make of this. I certainly don’t hold her honesty against her, nor am I upset about it, but it does leave me with questions, and they come from more than just her. Many of the other Jewish friends I have are largely secular, again, making me wonder what it is, precisely, that makes me still want to pursue the religious aspects of Judaism, while they all turn away from those same aspects.

I know that this is, in some ways, no different to my relationship with religion and G-d than anyone of any other descent or country. Just because you’re born Jewish doesn’t mean you need to be of the Jewish faith. In a lot of ways, I’m still very lucky to know many of these people, as they are the ones who have helped me in my own path and process by showing me some of the things I might otherwise not have known.

Right now, I am not really being affected by this. In a lot of respects, this is simply the ‘ritual hazing’ of the convert, a common story among those of us looking to convert to Judaism. On the other hand, it does make me wonder how to go forward while it seems like everyone else is going the other direction.

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About jewess-Q

I'm just a small town girl... err, no, wrong song. I'm a very modern girl... you could even say a new girl. I'm a trans woman living around (and soon, in) NYC who has recently found her way to G-d, and is seeking answers. I am trying to convert to Judaism, and I feel that I am being called to not only be among the Chosen People, but to be one of them. View all posts by jewess-Q

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